I have been very nervous to commit to this blog. I started it months ago, posted a few times, and then wanted to scrap the whole thing – I did scrap the original posts. I kept feeling nudged to get it going again, only this time, to pray for guidance on what it is I should say here. I am not a deep, profound person, but I am trying to recover from Betrayal Trauma and maybe what I have to say here will resonate with you on some level.
Since it is Addiction Recovery month, I decided to spend time each day working on my own recovery, and focus less on what my husband is doing in his recovery. Every day this month (hopefully) I will write about something that I KNOW, I CHOOSE, or that I AM in regards to this journey I now find myself on. I know that I can do this – share my story, my journey of faith, forgiveness, and healing – with God’s help.
Since my husband’s disclosure on January 7, 2015 I have felt as if I am Jane Doe. You see me everywhere, yet you don’t really see me. I’m the person who looks you right in the eyes and smiles as if everything is peachy keen. I sit next to you at church and laugh while inside I’m a wreck. I teach Relief Society and never let on to this secret. My husband sits next to me and my family each week at church. We look like a strong, active family – yet my husband is no longer a member and our temple marriage is void at this time. I am your friend, your neighbor, your sister, your child’s friend’s parent. I am right in front of you, yet I am invisible.
I am Jane Doe.